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9-What My Mother Taught Me !

1-My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE -

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!"

2-My mother taught me RELIGION -

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3-My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL -

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4-My mother taught me LOGIC -

"Because I said so, that's why."

5-My mother taught me FORESIGHT -

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

6-My mother taught me IRONY -

"Keep laughing and I'll 'give' you something to cry about."

7-My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS –

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

8-My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM -

"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"

9-My mother taught me about STAMINA -

"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."

10-My mother taught me about WEATHER -

"It looks like a tornado swept through your room."

11-My mother taught me how to solve PHYSICS PROBLEMS -

"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?"

12-My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY -

"If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!"

13-My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE -

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14-My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION -

"Stop acting like your father!"

15-My mother taught me about ENVY -

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

THANKS, MOM!

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