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Classroom Activities:

Word Funs for English Classrooms: 

 Ten Top Puns:

1. Two vultures board an airplane; each is carrying two dead

raccoons.  The stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry,

gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."


2. Two boll weevils grew up in the deep South. One went to

Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind

in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second

one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.


3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they

lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you

can't have your kayak and heat it, too.


4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He

slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man

who shot my paw."


5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during

a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.


6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were

standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament

victories.  After about an hour, the manager came out of the

office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as

they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts

boasting in an open foyer."


7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of

them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other

goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later,

Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon

receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes

she also had a picture of Ahmal.  Her husband responds, "They're

twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they

opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone

liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist

across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the

good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back

and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival

florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious

thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars

and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't

close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that

Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.


9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the

time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with

his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him....

what? (Oh man, this is so bad, it's good) A super callused fragile

mystic hexed by halitosis.


10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different

puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns

would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.



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